Pack your bags I'm taking you on a little journey to "Guilt City" today. We have all felt guilty at some point that we haven't been there enough for someone or maybe we could've dealt with something better, maybe we shouldn't have bought that because it takes away finances for something else. There are so many things that we can pack in our suitcases for our trip away.
The first couple of weeks of March is always massive for me and brings up so much stuff. We have 4 birthdays this week and an anniversary of my Uncle's passing it is huge. Lets unpack the Mummy guilt first...
WELLLLLL that is a massive one my eldest has just turned 20 and his upbringing and what he was exposed to in the younger years seems to want to come with us Today. You always have the what if I did this differently, what if I protected him more and he didn't see the life of crime, drugs and arguing that he saw, if I didn't expose him to this he wouldn't battle his eating disorder or anxiety I DID This to him. Then I stop for a minute and I decide that I'm going to UNPACK this bag a little. He has survived up to his 20's YAY I've done a great job and taught him right from wrong. He's not in Jail, He's not fucked up somewhere on drugs, He has a job and is studying, he's living out of home and he has a Heart full of Love to share...I did this!! We can successfully unpack this part of my Suitcase!!
Mummy Guilt Package Number 2 is ready to be packed....Mr 11 well this is Mummy Guilt at its finest. What If I didn't immunise him...What If his biological father wasn't the most fucked up mental case in the world...What if my body could actually allow him to grow inside of me to make him strong and healthy he wouldn't have all of the issues that he has now. He would function at an appropriate age level. Lets Unpack this part of my suitcase...Mr 11 has lived his life Up until Now YAY I did this!!! He is now healthy and active, He is protected, He has an amazing DAD who provides everything that a dad should provide for their children and He is at an appropriate age level for him this is his path. He is smart and Intelligent and a tiny little man full of happiness and Love to give. I did This!!!! We can successfully unpack this part of my Suitcase!!
Lets Look at the loved ones Passed that I have packed away in my suitcase...Each of my grandparents and My Uncle all have a part in my suitcase. We always look at the what if's especially when loved ones pass. What if when my Pop was sick I took notice earlier and intervened and made the stubborn beautiful man go to the doctors earlier. What if when my Grandma fell I had checked in on her like I did everyday and what if I took her from the hospital when she asked me too. What if When my Ma was in Palliative Care the last time I went to see her I waited for her to wake up instead of just standing there and not saying anything. What if I made Contact with My Uncle more often he may not have taken his own life.
All of these family members all hold an amazing place in my heart and were my favorite people in the world. As I writing this clearly I'm really hydrated because water is coming out of my eyes. These amazing people need to be unpacked from my suitcase and I choose now to look at the amazing positives and let go of my last memories and the guilt associated with that. My Pop and Grandma were my rocks and without each other we wouldn't have made it through everything that we did together. My Ma was a warrior and even now as I write this I can feel her presence I can hear the classical music in the background and HAPPY BIRTHDAY (I heard this last night and didn't think anything of it), unpack the guilt be free. My Gorgeous Uncle taught me how to be an individual and how to do whatever I wanted by standing in your place and knowing who you are, even now he stands with me when I need him. We created these memories and you still hold a place in my field however I unpack the Guilt. I carry the energy of Presence, strength and determination not guilt.
The point of Unpacking my suitcase (I could've done the moving truck However the suitcase will prove my point) is to show you that there is no need to weigh yourself down and carry these what if's with you. We are living our best lives right now without intervention, without the what if's and without the stagnant memories that some of us like to sit in. Get over yourself and unpack!! Everything is perfect right now. You're not dead you are very much breathing so breathe!!!
The only thing we need to pack in our suitcase is a Bikini and Sunscreen (For the confident peeps) or a Full length swimsuit and so-wrongggg for those body conscious peeps. My point is let it go, unpack and travel light!!